Mirror, Mirror

April 3, 2014.Tanya.0 Likes.8 Comments
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Having shared my blog on my personal Facebook page this week, I have been feeling a little off.  I think I am worried that people have read it and judged me.  It’s another learning experience in that I am not responsible for what people think of me however it’s very difficult to not wonder what they felt, what questions they might have had, and if I made an impact with my writing.  I did receive some very over-whelming support from a few people and even a brave few that shared some portion of their story with me – thank you for allowing me the privilege to hear your story.  In feeling exposed I wondered what people saw when they read it.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, what do you see?

Do you see a broken young girl hiding in the shadows?

I see that young girl, she wears a yellow dress with a white ribbon wrapped around her.  Pigtails in her hair and blue eyes as bright as the summer sky.  She’s not broken yet though, she’s dancing in the green grass and smiling at the birds as they soar through the sky.  She’s full of love, life, happiness and all things good. 

Do you see a broken teenage girl hiding in the shadows?

I see that teenage girl, she is broken.  She is unaware of the significance of losing her innocence in the back of a car.  She believes that she deserved to be raped in the back of that car, she thinks that she must have provoked her friends uncle to take her between the rows of hay bales on the farm.  She thinks people don’t do these things unless you provoke them to in some way.  She thinks she is dirty and useless to those around her.

Do you see a broken young woman hiding in the shadows?

I see that young woman, she is now more broken than ever.  She knows that innocence was stolen not given away.  She cries to let her story out but is too ashamed to tell it.  She feels dirty and empty inside.  No one will ever love her the way she needs to be loved. She runs away from any form of love thinking she doesn’t deserve it or possibly not knowing that it’s love these people are trying to give her.

Do you see a broken mother hiding in the shadows?

I see that mother, she is realizing that her brokenness will become her childrens’ story if she doesn’t stand up.  She is starting to understand that she can’t hide from this forever.  She is building bravery and courage to acknowledge it.  She is motivated by 2 impressionable young girls that have taught her what love looks like.  She is going to take the step, she can see where she wants to go.

Do you see a broken woman hiding in the shadows?

I see that woman and she is me and she is far from broken.  I am brave, strong and courageous.  I have pushed through my shame and told my story.  I have taken its power and redirected it into strength to continue my journey with my head held high.  I have learnt that my story does not define me, how I deal with it does.  I deal with it from a place of pain but it’s a place of healing as well.  I have spread my wings, opened my heart and allowed the world’s love to show me the beauty in all things.

I am worthy and deserving of all things in life including love!

Worthy

Comments (8)

  • Heather Valen . April 4, 2014 . Reply

    Thank you for sharing your story Tanya. It was truly inspirational and encourages to have faith belief and trust in oneself. Your story is empowering.

    • (Author) Tanya . April 4, 2014 . Reply

      Thank you so much for the kind words Heather! Reading a comment such as this reaffirms that I’m living my purpose. 🙂

  • Shannon . April 3, 2014 . Reply

    Don’t let anyone try to shame you into being quiet and not share your story. You are a strong inspirational woman and I’m proud to call you sister. You deserve to be recognized every day for being as brave as you are!

    • (Author) Tanya . April 4, 2014 . Reply

      Thank you Shannon! Love you!

  • Charlene . April 3, 2014 . Reply

    I loved reading your story. It lets others know that the shame they keep can be shed, their feelings will be heard and happiness is on the other side. They can become the person that is hiding in the shadows. I see that little girl in the yellow dress and am so happy she has let go and has emerged into a butterfly. You wil inspire many.

    • (Author) Tanya . April 3, 2014 . Reply

      Thank you so much for reading Char. It makes my heart incredibly happy to know that I am inspiring others.

  • Saara . April 3, 2014 . Reply

    Funny – after reading the first paragraph – I yelled to you that you ARE NOT broken. You just had your wings clipped. Injured yes, broken – NO WAY!

    You brought tears to my eyes (yet again – can you stop doing that please – us greens don’t like crying!). So happy to have you in my life!

    • (Author) Tanya . April 3, 2014 . Reply

      Thank you Saara. I love that you are one of my balcony people making sure I know that I’m not broken. Love you! Thanks for reading.

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