I’m struggling with how to explain what I want to say today.  I’ve shared my blog with many people and have answered many questions around it.   I think that for the most part I have been able to explain what people have wanted to understand from their questions but I’m still struggling with one thing: sympathy.  You see I didn’t share my story to garner sympathy from everyone who reads it and for some people, that is their only reaction.  I understand that it’s a shocker for a lot of my readers and maybe a bit of a taboo subject for certain people but for me – it’s my story.  It’s not a subject at hand nor is it the definition of my being, it’s simply ‘my story’.   I have not yet learned how to react to people when their only reaction is sympathy, I really truly do not know what to say.  To this point I’ve said:

It’s ok – I’m good now

It doesn’t define me anymore

I’m just glad that I’ve dealt with it

I just want to move forward

At the end of these conversations, I always feel a bit lost.  I’m starting to slowly figure it out but as I’m writing this it’s becoming more clear why I feel lost.  I feel lost because accepting sympathy is almost like accepting love.  You’ve got to be open to it and you’ve got to allow yourself to accept it from the giver and understand and believe that they truly care for you.  For me – I’ve got to understand that I am worthy of their kind words and sadness for me.  Clearly through this journey I’ve learned that I’ve never been accepting of love in its truest form other than from my children and even then I have days where I think that I’m not being the best mom I can be.  How does a person get over this hurdle as it seems to be the largest one in the journey?  Am I not working through acceptance of love and kindness into my life because I’m not ready to yet or is it because I just don’t want to?

Feel Sorry

Comments (3)

  • Robert Wolfe . May 4, 2014 . Reply

    What you say about accepting is very true. Giving is easier for me than accepting what others want to give me.

    Many years ago a friend wanted to do something for me. I could do it myself, and didn’t want to be a ‘charity case.’ He called me out on it saying, “You know how good it feels to give, right? By not accepting my gift you are robbing me of that. Quit being a jerk and let me do this for you.” I learned a valuable lesson that day.

    Still, I find I can too easily slip back into my old thinking. So, I encourage you to accept the sympathy as the gift it is intended to be. You and the giver will be happier for it.

    You Go Girl!

    • (Author) Tanya . May 4, 2014 . Reply

      Robert – what a great perspective about how it feels for you to give and allowing others to feel that for you. Thank you for sharing that story.

  • Robert Wolfe . May 2, 2014 . Reply

    What you say about accepting is very true. Giving is easier for me than accepting what others want to give me.

    Many years ago a friend wanted to do something for me. I could do it myself, and didn’t want to be a ‘charity case.’ He called me out on it saying, “You know how good it feels to give, right? By not accepting my gift you are robbing me of that. Quit being a jerk and let me do this for you.” I learned a valuable lesson that day.

    Still, I find I can too easily slip back into my old thinking. So, I encourage you to accept the sympathy as the gift it is intended to be. You and the giver will be happier for it.

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