Control

We are so often consumed with what happens next instead of living in the moments that are right in front of us.  I am a planner – I like to know what happens next, I like to know when things will start and end and I value having a schedule.   This can otherwise be known as ‘in control”, “control freak”, “OCD” and so on.  I have come to find out that control is a coping mechanism that allows us to hide behind it in order to disconnect.  What if you weren’t always in control?  Realistically – what would be the worst thing to happen?  I have to tell myself this occasionally when I find that I’m trying to control the outcome of something.  The outcome of something is not in my control especially when others are involved.  Even if I could control the outcome by my actions – that does not make the situation very rewarding for others involved.  When in a healthy relationship – the outcome of all things should feel like a win-win for everyone involved. 

Learning to let go has taught me many things that I’m sure I can’t list but I can sit back and easily identify the following:

    1.    It opens you up new people and experiences.

When we are constantly controlling who we allow into our lives or not allow into our lives based on judgments or circumstances, we are shutting out these people and experiences.  In the last while I have started to really lean on the logic that everyone comes into our lives for a reason.  They are sent to us or us to them for a reason.  No matter how long someone spends in your life or you in theirs – it was for a reason.  Even bad endings to people in your life have taught you something. 

    2.    It allows you to stop worrying and therefore ‘feel’ the moment. 

The energy invested into worrying is a lost cause.  You worry about what’s going to happen and where you are headed therefore skewing you to see the reality of what’s happening.  When you worry – your mind gets absolutely consumed with thoughts of what if?  Well what if you weren’t worrying about everything because it’s not in your control, what if you just allowed the moment to happen and what if you allowed your feelings to just cultivate themselves in those moments.  We are all wired differently and when we are masking things with worry – we are also not allowing ourselves to feel the true emotion in a situation.

    3.    The outcome becomes what it’s supposed to be not what you want it to be.

Do you believe in fate? Divine intervention? That everything happens for a reason?  I believe most of us believe in some form of those things.  Giving up control for me has meant that there are moments that I have felt guided.  In moments when I’m making choices, I can feel it inside of me knowing I’m making a good choice or possibly a nagging feeling that’s telling me that I’m not headed in the right direction here.  In allowing myself to just be open to what happens, happens I have felt very grounded lately.  Very open to ‘feeling’ where my path is leading me.  As a result of this – the outcome becomes what it’s meant to be not what I want it to be as those 2 end results could be very different.

    4.    It allows people to be true and authentic in your presence.

This is huge!  Do you realize that when you are so consumed with control – you are not allowing others to just be in their moments in life?  Wow – right?  By you being in control, you are in fact not only controlling your outcome but theirs as well.  Allow yourself to let go, allow yourself to be in the moment and allow those around you into those moments.  By doing so – you are creating a safe place for others to be true and authentic in your presence.  What a gift to yourself to not only be your true and authentic self but also being in that same presence with others.

So now I can apologize for not blogging as much as I’d like as I’ve been living ‘out of my control’ for the last month and what an amazing month it’s been.  🙂

Go With the Flow

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