I have had a heavy chest since Mitch has finished his first step in his Choices journey. I could not place words on the feeling nor could I understand it’s root. I thought it through many different ways and still could not confirm the feeling until now. It has taken me 4 days to understand it and now that I’ve placed my finger on it – it’s so simple that it’s complex in my head. I mapped it out on paper, I bounced it off of others, I circled through it a hundred times and each time I’ve come back around I’ve added another point to it.
It is by far my biggest revelation since I started my journey of self discovery.
GRATITUDE moved to BLESSED which moved to LOVE which moved to PURPOSE which moved to PEACE and then it all circles back around again. I had to map it out to understand it:
GRATITUDE – I’ve truly practiced gratitude diligently since Choices, I am thankful for many, many things in my life. I am incredibly grateful for the life that is in front of me. I have an amazing support system in my family, 2 spunky and full of life girls that have taught me and will continue to teach me many life lessons, a man who I love so much it hurts and with him he brings 2 wonderful kids who have the ability to make me smile within minutes of being in their presence, a plethora of friends that I can lean on and a huge second family of people who have attended Choices and force me to push my limits into deep meaningful conversations that I always learn something from. What else could I ask for?
In order to move from that space of gratitude into blessed, something shifted. I’ve had a sense of missing something for a long time. It’s been a nagging as if a child is standing at my legs pulling at my pant legs. I know now that it is the need to find a spiritual path in my life. I am not sure how this looks for me however I have opened myself up to allowing it into my life. Once I opened my heart and mind, the word continually swirled in my head – BLESSED. Feeling truly blessed to me is the next level beyond grateful, it’s a true sense in the heart. I can feel thankful for many things in my life but ‘feeling’ blessed is different. My heart feels full and my chest feels as though it could explode at any moment. I have filled my soul beyond what my body has the capacity to handle so now I can give freely. I have moved to blessed – now what happened?
Well the fullness in me is LOVE. The shift happened in a moment this past weekend that I will forever hold near to my heart. To this point I had a tiny bit of something holding me back from entirely letting myself go with Mitch. I didn’t realize that until this point. I don’t know exactly what it was holding me back but by having this moment with him I realized it was there. I physically could feel something shift in me, something opened up inside and from that moment I felt surrounded by and bathed in love and acceptance. As I was working through this thought – I questioned Mitch to say I’m not sure which it is but I know it’s somewhere in this: Is it the feeling of loving myself fully? Is it the ability to love you unconditionally and seeing the result of that in front of me this weekend? Or is that I finally feel worthy of receiving your love? As I typed this out to him – the realization that came to me was that this is all so over-whelming because it’s ALL of those things. For the first time in my life – I am in a space of loving myself, loving someone else and accepting love!
I want to stop there because it’s so powerful but there’s more!
By feeling loved, accepting love and being self loving – I am living my contract and purpose.
I AM A WORTHY WOMAN EMPOWERING MYSELF AND OTHERS TO FEEL LOVED! It’s almost self-explanatory but imagine everything in your life making sense in one moment. That’s the best way I can describe it. I live my purpose a lot, I can see myself living it everyday however living your contract and purpose from a space of its absolute full potential is a life-changing moment for me.
I have found PEACE and CONTENTMENT in fully understanding what life has in store for me, how it feels to just accept myself fully and with that be able to accept and love others freely. It all makes sense to me now….